Yes thats correct i cant cry at a funeral or in front of people at all for that matter. which can really be a problem when youre the only one seemingly unmoved by a memorial service or sad ending to a movie or sad news report and have to act like your sad  or that your trying to be strong for others...both hard to pull off...although ive learned. but back to the reason why. when i was a young lad back in the day...i was being brought up by a slimy ...oversized mean evil whale like creature called my mother would do things to purposefully make me cry  and then would ridicule me when i did in fact cry and by ridicule i mean hit. being as young as i was this ended up leading me to bottle up and hide my emotions for a long while and i still struggle with trying to be more open. 


P.S. i thought about why i cant cry for a long time...and i realized why when i was where....you guessed it

The Shower

I've been thinking a lot lately, mostly about mistakes ive made in the past, and i noticed that a good 90% of them involve relationships. it seems to me like every single time i get close to a girl, i start to notice the little things i hate about her and they slowly but surely eat away at me untill i cant take it anymore and i either just end the relationship or go completely nuclear on the poor girl. and its not that i dont care about them no no no i like them a lot i just dont think that i love them...and im pretty sure i have a commitment problem...i mean i tell people that its mostly the girls fault because theyre psycho or bitchy but in truth most of these girls are completly sane...or at least nice, and its really me thats the problem. i realized this quite some time ago and i decided to try to find a girl whos flaws wouldnt naw at me. eventually i realized that one of my best friends was perfect. i mean i always kind of had a thing for her and i mentioned it before and she led me on long story short it was a big mess. so recently about december of last year i decided to confess my love for her(and yes i truely believe its love) and i know what your gonna say "cody theres a time and a place for best friends to get together its called college" but i cant help myself id do anything for this girl i love her with all my heart only problem is she doesnt love me..well at least not like i love her and she probably never will but a part of me keeps fighting for her the other half however tries to burry the feelings...that isnt really working out...lately ive been thinking about her a hell of a lot. shes the focus of my songs shes my main inspiration in fact, when i sleep i dream of her, when i wake up i wonder if ill see her, and i daydream about 'us'. at this point im loosing it....i cant seem to keep it together everytime i look at her it hurts a little. im constantly depressed and scarred...and honestly i dont have a clue what im supposed to do in a situation like this....do i cut my losses and try to move on....i mean ive tried that 1000 times it never works..do i keep at it and try to get her to feel something fuck anything in the realm of romantic feelings for me? im so confused i just wish i knew what to do.i wish someone would help me.